Saturday, September 30, 2006;11:58
Y
++ Pressurized Nite ++
Emotions :
1)Thrilled
2)Happy
3)Puzzled
4)Disappointed
5)Angry
6)Vexed
Couldnt get to sleep well, no work today and i got up @ 9am *Sighz*
Woke up with such a heavy heart now....feeling everything is in a mess...
did i do the wrong thing again?
Found no sms msg on my hp =(
A lot of things wanna ask but scare and then scare of waking him up.
So nowhere to rant, i came to my blog..
Yesterday, was actually feeling exhausted, didnt sleep well the night before coz of my 'rashes'
But then still was thrilled after work, prepared miself to meet him @ TB..
1)Thrilled
2)Happy
3)Puzzled
4)Disappointed
5)Angry
6)Vexed
Woke up with such a heavy heart now....feeling everything is in a mess...
did i do the wrong thing again?
Found no sms msg on my hp =(
A lot of things wanna ask but scare and then scare of waking him up.
So nowhere to rant, i came to my blog..
Yesterday, was actually feeling exhausted, didnt sleep well the night before coz of my 'rashes'
But then still was thrilled after work, prepared miself to meet him @ TB..
Then we had our dinner @ Cafe Cartel at PS but things turned rather tense after then...
We hv been going around aimlessly which i really dun understand why.
For me, i will jolly glad to do anything, be it sitting, eating, drinking , watching, pooling,bowling or whatsoever...but...
Initially he thought of catching a movie but he got so relunctant which took him so many hours to think if he wanna watch it..
In my heart i was thinking naively - a place where we fell out, a place to pick it up.. and since ntg to do then watch lorz.. why need to think so much ?
1st time after so many years, 1st time i lost my temper...i dunno why, usually i wont dare to lose temper..
The pressure btw us just got so tight!! I just felt so disappointing..
i never screamed at him of coz, as i dun do dat on him....but i almost wanna burst out in tears...
Then my imagination ran wild at that moment -
Is there someone who wanna watch this movie too ?
If they ask u to watch, u sure onz very moment..
Is it so difficult to catch a movie with m3 ??
All these qns juz boggling in my mind...!!
Haha dun say that i m thinking too much, any1 at dat moment will sure think likewise..
However, with all the puzzles in my head, i tried to find out by grumbling and asking why but as usual i never get to the bottom of it coz i know he wont open up
Eventually always push the whole situation away then.
At times, i really wish he could just express more to avoid so much pressures and unnecessary conflicts btw us.
There is never, never , never a need to fear to disclose anything to me..
Putting incredible pressure on oneself will set yourself in disappointment and for disappointing others..
We have a major problem btw us - Communication - especially face to face..
Is it so hard to heart to heart talk ne ??
Sometimes, it is so important to open up and TALK...
Even weeks ago, i hv been wanting to ask him some matters, till date i still keep to miself..=(
In the end, we did ntg and he decided to catch the train home..
To be frank, i was really disappointed as that aint my intention to spend the day..
I want him to hv a fun , interesting time... i dun wanna lose out on when he is out with his friends.
I always want to make him happy but i always failed =((((
Slowly in the train, i started to think if i m a boredom to him, if he getting sick of going out with me, pissed off with me etc...
Sometimes, i really hope to fix all these BUT it has been so many years i hv been so used to let him be the person in control and then keeping mum of things in fear in upsetting him..
I m always scared to say things not of his likings..., so subconciously i hv led him to be the one to have everything under control .
I believe i m to blame that i actually led things to turn out this way
Should i be more firm and make my own decisions regardless of how he thinks before one day i feel like strangling him ??
Pls tell me what i should do ??
Slowly in the train, i started to think if i m a boredom to him, if he getting sick of going out with me, pissed off with me etc...
Sometimes, i really hope to fix all these BUT it has been so many years i hv been so used to let him be the person in control and then keeping mum of things in fear in upsetting him..
I m always scared to say things not of his likings..., so subconciously i hv led him to be the one to have everything under control .
I believe i m to blame that i actually led things to turn out this way
Should i be more firm and make my own decisions regardless of how he thinks before one day i feel like strangling him ??
Pls tell me what i should do ??
Sherr|ne 
* @ |11:58|
