Thursday, May 11, 2006;23:57
Y
++ Emo-ination............!!!! ++
"Reality's a fake - with twisted words..
Never promise when its gona be a broken lie"
I love to think a lot whenever i travellin' in the train home,listenin' to my mp3 player..
.. think of the past, the present...
Always penny in my tots ....sweetness & pain in the heart....now a lot of things i really dun get to understand anymore ...or i simply tot i understand someone but i actually am not...
I have been listening to my heart and following that;
i m so scared of regrets and fear of losing..
Hurt is a temporary word
Scar is a permanent thing
Memories are beautiful
Regrets are the unnecessities in one's life
^Can someone jus shot me dead??^
Travelling towards certain areas lead us to different directions & if we go to a wrong way we'll be lost & confused; what lies ahead of us we don't know & we cant predict what the future beholds. don't u think the roads & buildings that are created somehow similar & represents human life? buildings change overtime so do humans. their thinkings, their personailty, character & attitude. certain roads are straight, bumpy or curvy. at times feeling blessed or faced with obstacles & troubles sometimes it gets way too complicated. certain horizons are narrow while some are broad just like the way life is..
Sometimes when you think you are right - you may be wrong;
Sometimes when you think you are in the right track - you could be misleading yourself;
Sometimes when you think you are in the right mind - you could be deceiving yourself;
Sometimes when you think you have done the right thing - it could be a mistake; Sometimes when you think you have made the right decision - it may not be at all. when you realised you aint right - it would be too late. because of what you think its right, it would lead you to mistakes thus leading to regrets and regrets aint something that you could reverse back time and undo whatever you wish you should not have done or said in the first place. whatever that is done could not be amended
My heart aches, my tears are betraying me, my chest is suffocating & my life is currently like a jigsaw puzzle. messy & incomplete - with many lil pieces mixed up & not completed into a puzzle.
Sometimes i really wonder is this the way god wants me to be in? To have obstacles obstructing my journey of life ??
Seeing how i overcome them & to test my endurance ??
I seriously don't know!!!!
There are many things going through my mind making me at lost.
My life suddenly seems so dark & burdened - everything is just being overloaded
I am going to suffocate & i'm soon going berserk. i'm really really tired of the way i'm right now
Frankly, i no longer know what am i doing; what am i living for; who i am; what i want in life. i don't even know how much longer can i hold on. my energy, my concentration, my tolerance, my patience, my endurance is all draining out.
I'm so sick of struggling. struggling to be strong - emotionally, physically, mentally. struggling to hold on; struggling not to break down.
I'm so tired of suffering silently & in pain, fighting against the demons all by myself.
Really..i'm not here or to be born to suffer in silence or to fight against the demon all by myself or being a superwoman & to cater to ppl's wants & needs or likes or dislikes..
How torturous or painful it is i hv to hold on. i wish i could just stop whatever i'm doing but i know i cant!
Now.,everything i see irks me but what can i do, no matter how strainous or sick it is i've to hang on .
Happiness is something that can never be bought.
Never mind the fact that no matter how hard i try explaining or standing up for my rights, i'll still been put in the wrong or being accused for nothing or words being put into my mouth.
I don't care as it doesnt seem to bother me anymore but why izzit so hard to get one's understanding? Thats all i need !!!
*Sob* u know whats the worst profession on earth? its being a clown. why? coz it aint no easy task for they've to put on a smile & be happy even if their world come collapsing on them. people always have the perception that clowns are silly & they don't have a single bit of problem but they are wrong for deep down they aint happy at all.
Have u ever experience the way they have been or gone through & how they felt? although i'm not one & my profession aint to be a clown but i don't have to be one to experience their sorrows for deep in me i'm already a clown. i'm sorry if today's post totally sucks for i'm really emotionally down. there are too many things bottling in me! i know i'll feel much better if i confide my problems to others but that will be my last resort as i never like to burden my problems onto others for i would rather make others smile & be happy rather than seeing them frown or scold at me....
I actually wonder when will that day be when i really do have the courage to open myself and just let go of everything that is bottled up in me than only can i stop being the silly clown with a stupid smile...
Don't try asking what's happening . there are too many things that cant be expressed out & let it be known.
No worries ! this isnt the worst of it yet coz i've gone through depression stage before what more can i not handle? i believe no matter how terrible i'm going through i'll be able to pull through for i hv faith in myself.
Pardon me for ranting non-stop now for i just aint in the right mood now and been emo-ing.
When your feeling down its best to listen to emotional songs especially those whereby it can makes you wana jump down from the building for it just KILLS away your emotions.
Feel like nothing's going smoothly right now & many things happening all at a time. i'm just so tired of everything that evolves around me so much that led to so much major disappointments !!
*changed my blog song to a sad sad song to murder everyone*
How bloody sickening it can be when clear intentions have been given and yet being ignored..
some people just like to do what they aint deem to do so..
some people are just too stubborn to admit and accounted for what they have done or never realise the pain they have caused you...damnit!
Life isnt just about perfection ,its whether you are happy with the way you are living..
Easier said than done right ??
Have you ever felt so lost when u needed someone to be there to confide in and pour out all your troubles but couldnt find a single soul at that point of time? and when u finally do have someone to be there, you just cant bring yourself to do so, even those who stated that they are your friends ?? friends forever ?? don't believe in the word 'forever' for 'forever' doesnt last ; 'forever' is like a word in fairy tale which doesnt exist in reality ; there's nothing that is 'forever' ; if 'forever' means a thing den why cant human live 'forever'?
I dun like to hate.. .. i dun like to bear grudges.. so pls do not force me into it...pls !!!
Sometimes things aint within our control no matter how we want it to be..it will never turn out to be as it is ...pain inflicted, all screwed up and feeling damn suxz big time !!
There is a saying "after every storm unveils a beautiful rainbow...the beautiful rainbow that paints a ray of hope in one's life" - When will my better day come ?
When will the storm/s over ??
What wrongdoings have i done ??? arghz arghz !!!
=============================
^Agnes brought her lil baby to office today.. kawaii lil thing wearing mickey top^
^i finally found the champagne gold heels today !!^
Lyrics of my blog song :
You set my soul at ease
Chased darkness out of view
Left your desperate spell on me
Say you feel it to I know you do
I've got so much more to give
This can't die,
I yearn to live
Pour yourself all over me
And I'll cherish every drop here on my knees
I wanna love you forever And this is all
I'm asking of you 10,000 lifetimes together
Is that so much for you to do?
Cuz from the moment that I saw your face
And felt the fire in your sweet embrace
I swear I knew. I'm gonna love you forever
My mind fails to understand
What my heart tells me to do
And I'd give up all I have just to be with you and that would do
I've always been taught to win
And I never thought I'd fall Be at the mercy of a man
I've never been Now I only want to be right where you are
In my life I've learned that heaven never waits no
Lets take this now before it's gone like yesterday
Cuz when I'm with you there's nowhere else That
I would ever wanna be no
I'm breathing for the next second I can feel you
Loving me ... I'm gonna love
Sherr|ne 
* @ |23:57|
